Balls!

We are off to the Bellagio for lunch with Rusty, Conrad, jacqueline, Louella and Jeanti.

We are at a delightful table looking on to the Bellagio conservatory which is like the myers windows on crack -going from minimalist palm springs to maximalist las vegas is blowing my mind.

Hey Hey Paula

Jubilee Backstage Tour

The Glamour Kittens met at Ballys this morning to be taken backstage at the Don Arden / Bob Mackie vintage showgirl spectacular "Jubilee".

The squealing at the photo op outside the Jubilee Theatre was so spectacular that our personal showgirl Miss Paula came outside in her spangled leotard to join in the fracas = GOLD!

Miss Paula seems ever so slightly mentally and emotionally unbalanced, and at the start of the tour weeps several times at her own inspirational story of becoming a topless dancer in Vegas.

Then comes a bizarre list of all those close to her who have seen her dance topless ... "my mom and dad have seen me topless, my girlfriends, grandma, all my uncles, my boyfriend comes every few weeks, his workmates have seen me dance topless - but not my brothers ... that would be tooooo kreepy" I then realise all of us will see miss paula with her top off this evening - awkward ...

The tour is FABULOUS and although photography is allegedly prohibited, and some areas are allegedly out of bounds, the glamour kittens go crazy, photographing everything, entering all areas, and sifting through other people's crystal encrusted g-strings and fishnets.

The backstage area is the campest thing EVER and the cameras go crazy in the dressing rooms, the feather room, and the disco closet.


In the feather room Miss Paula starts our showgirl lessons which cover everything from how to mend fishnets, to walking glamorously down stairs in heels without looking down,(her method is GENIUS and does work) and how to walk to the side whilst always facing the front - it is all SUPERB.

And then she veers off into more inspirational stories about herself - how she has covered her castmates asses so many times, helped them quick change in the wings when they're too slow, or gone on for them when they're not ready in time , and she is always offering advice to those less experienced and less talented than she is - but are they grateful - or would any one of them ever do the same for her ??? NO! No, they wouldn't !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(cut to nervous glamour kittens with eyes darting and feet shifting as miss paula seems to have forgoten we are in the room and a little bead of sweat has formed above her lip)

Then come the SOLID GOLD stories of accidentally walking on stage at the G-rated matinee with her top off ("fluff was furious" - have I mentioned the 89 year old director of "Jubilee" is named FLUFF LeCOQUE ), and how she resolved the issue of the dressing table HOG whose stuff was always on her side of the table - (apparently you throw all her stuff in the bin, and then put masking tape down the middle of the table - and would you believe - after that incident - miss paula and miss dressing table hog are now BEST FRIENDS)

As the tour comes to a close Miss Paula gives us a fabulous showbiz makeup lesson, changes into an amazing costume and we all file onto the stage for more photo ops.As I glance at my watch i realise the inspirational stories have lead our tour to run 40minutes overtime. We all file out of the theatre as Miss Paula proclaims us her best group EVER - I believe she was still talking as we hit las vegas boulevard and the relative sanity of the strip.

Oh Barry

Barry

Barry

ME! (and Barry)

Vegas Day One: we run into some lovely glamour kittens before we've even checked in and i predict its not going to let up until the last glamour kitten has checked out. How delightful to jet to Vegas, bump into someone you know and enjoy a bloody mary or two in the sunshine. good times.

We have booked a GO room at the flamingo - they are the retro sixties rooms with our own hot pink elevator, white wet look vinyl bedhead and hot pink striped wallpaper - heaven! Not to mention the TV imbedded into the mirror in the bathroom, and the spectacular view we have looking onto the strip and straight across to ceasars palace. pinch me!

The self glamorisation process takes place, and we are off to meet the glamour kittens in the bar (yikes there seems to be a lot of them), and then to PARIS to see fabulous BARRY MANILOW!!!!!!! (that's him trying to squeeze into my picture above - (quit it bad smell manilow)

About 12 of us somehow have AMAZING third row seats, with the rest of the glamour kitens a little further back. Let me state here and now, that i am NEVER doing a show again unless glowstix are included! best. fun. ever.

Barry does know how to put on a show - travelling through Barry time from early childhood with lots of pics and filmclips on the big screen. The Christmas part of the show features snow coming from the rooftop and las vegas school kiddies pulling at every heartstring.

Barry has several sparkly costume changes and one awkward wet look vinyl bikie costume that needs to go away.

His face and hair are a VISION, but his legs look like two whittled sticks and he walks ike a man who has had seven hip replacements.

But who cares!? we have glowstix and a big copa cabana finale coming up, so it is the best. night. ever., and a FABULOUS way to start the kittens in vegas week.

We are on a fanilow fever HIGH when the show lets out, and feeling the desperation of a group who knows their glowstix will go dark in but a few hours, we head to the PARIS disco bar, where DJ Sally plays Dancing Queen, ensuring our loyalty for the rest of the night, despite loads of older men doing the straight mans overbite dance accompanied by far too affectionate and far too intrigued under-dressed ladies grinding on their older gentleman to the tune of "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" - ewwwwwwwwwwwww - hilarious just turned kreepy, and as Mr Eric orders a giant cigar from a girl in sequinned underpants, I feel it is time for me to leave, and head back to the sixties glamour room for a fizzy drink and some TV in bed - oh mandy, those are some good times.

Leavin' on a jet plane

a VERY SMALL jet plane!

It seats 32 - there are 7 of us.

we have to walk across the tarmac movie star style to get on board.

Fifty minutes later ..... VIVA LAS VEGAS!!

SHAG at home

Here is the SHAG above our new yet vintage couch! This couch was in the first house we ever stayed in, in Palm Springs, and because Dennis is a LEGEND, it somehow ended up with us after the two boys who jointly owned it broke up ... sad for them ... but on the upside ... FABULOUS for us!

I have to eat twigs and dirt for a week to pay for it, but oranges poranges who cares!? Its PERFECT!!!

Rex and Roy's garbage sale

Vegas is beckoning, but surely we can squeeze one more yard sale in before jetting off - especially if it is the best. yard sale. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

This was the yard sale of Rex and Roy. Rex and Roy live two doors away from casa de liberace, so ... the RITZY part of town.

Rex and Roy have a flock of swallows welded to their giant front gate. klassy. Rex and Roy have some kind of life sized Don Quixote sculpture hapening in the front yard. SUPER klassy. Rex and Roy have a rolls royce with the number plate ROY, and a porsche with the number plate REX sitting in the driveway.

Roy is an older gentleman with some kind of cankle issue forcing him to sit on a throne like chair during the yard sale, collecting the money, and bossing Rex around. Roy is no oil painting, and seems to have had a microdermabrasion process or two go horribly wrong in the facial area. He does look STUNNING however in a tan that puts George Hamilton to shame, and a silk shirt that looks VERY expensive, and really has one more button undone than it should.

Rex, on the other hand, is a very tall muscular and tanned twenty-something in a pair of levis and a white wifebeater that is making me go weak at the knees.

Roy is very bossy with rex, and Rex does everything Roy says ... "Rex - get that vase down -CAREFUL! That's L'alique!"

Rex and Roy are moving to Porta Valarta next week so everything MUST go! Oh my LORD - their things are AMAZING - but they seem to have WAY too much satin bedwear and leopard print throws for one enderly batchelor and his protege.

Amongst the endless mirrored nightstands, zebra rugs and crystal doo-dads is a full wall of shelves floor to ceiling displaying Rex and Roy's cookie jar collection! It's breaking their heart, but the cookie jars must go. Strangely, they are not being snapped up, despite them having MANY boo bear cookie jars, a few in the shape of Marilyn Monroe's head, and one in the shape of lucy and desi in a convertible.

I cannot believe that Rex and Roy have THREE massive signed SHAGs in the garage. After chatting delightfully to Roy for a while he knocks a hundred dollars off the price that was already a quarter of what they cost in the SHAG gallery half a mile away on palm canyon drive.

"REX! stop whatever you're doing and get that SHAG down for this young lady" Oh happy days. I could NEVER afford a SHAG in real life - especially not this GIANT one, in my bridal colour of Ralph lauren burnt orange.

Also it seems to depict me in the patymobile with grant the old fox sitting on the hood! KISMET!

So here is our new SHAG - I am in LOVE with it - and bon voyage Rex and Roy - "Rex - get those suitcases on board the sun princess NOW - what on earth are you doing ?!"

discuss.....

after i (and by "I" , i mean grant) paints the poo colour out of our bedroom i want to cover one wall in this wallpaper - your thoughts???

Housekeeping!

Hello lovely peeps ~ just a little heads up that my delightful iPhone seems not to be working in the telephonic mode here in 1958 - mr grant is far less authentically mid century so he can answer his phone it seems, you will have to call me via international trunk call and I will climb up the phone pole greenacres style in my eva gabor maribou trimmed brunch coat when Sam Drucker tells me you are on the line,

Palm Springs Christmas Lights Parade

Oh double triple quadruple jacaranda grafton-esque happy days - it is the palm springs christmas lights parade. we delayed jetting off to vegas to be in town for the parade, and one MILLION percent worth it - best. christmas. parade EVER. Myers could certainly take a leaf or two from their book.

So many highlights - here are my top ten ...

1. EVERY council vehicle in town seems to be in the parade covered in fairy lights - this includes a police car, and ambulance, a bulldozer, the blood bank volkswagen, THE RUBBISH TRUCK (with bin men)and a dump truck.(which won some kind of AWARD that looked like a cricket trophy and had to be carried in front of the dump truck by TWO boy scouts)

2. "Miss Christmas Lights" headed off the parade in a celebrity vehicle - she wore a lowcut ballgown, a sash and a tiara - and fairy lights - and she must have been 75 years old - HUGE APPLAUSE - FABULOUS

3. She was followed by the SPECIAL CELEBRITY GUEST - someone who came second on project runway (crickets chirping / tumbleweeds rolling by)

4. one float consisted of three troubled teens on their skateboards - one fell off right in front of me - he did the best "I meant that" look ever before limping away dripping with blood.

5. Suggestion no # 1 = the blah blah calisthenics club for awkwardly aged girls definately needs to ban beige leotards.

6. Suggestion no# 2 = the blah blah cheerleaders should not flip a girl in the air and then RUN AWAY - even if you do run away in a lovely formation(ouch)

7. I have never seen so many crashes / injuries / or falls in one parade - partucularly awkward when santa is in the only ambulance and covered in fairy lights.

8. It should be a rule that EVERY christmas parade MUST have the local sewerage company represented (to the tune of rockin' around the christmas tree - even though i SWEAR i heard rockin around the christmas PEE)I also enjoyed the fairy light covered exterminator truck

9. Do not send three boy scouts and two nanas in safety vests to control a crowd of five thousand.

10.Santa appeared slightly drunk.

Happy holidays palm springs - your sister city Grafton would be proud.

KNOBS!

Goodbye 1990's (please tell me you're looking at the horrible wavy one on the right)

Hello kooky mid-century (I mean the fabulous one on the left)

Tom said "they suit you - they are kind of juvenile looking"

I'm sure he was referring to my glowing youthful good looks - hello .... is this thing on .....

Today's op shop bargain

The best two dollars I ever spent - straight to bathroom no# 3.

ALIENS!!

Oh its a happy day in Palm Springs when the CABLE TV van is in your driveway!!!!

Dear weeding, scrubbing and painting -prepare to come to a grinding halt - TWO HUNDRED CHANNELS!!!!!!! (although it seems about 20 of them are about selling snuggies or loving baby jeebers)

It has been uncredibly chunky trying to get TV or interweb for two reasons - first - we don't have social security numbers / the second reason is making me stab myself in the eye hourly - the Australian postcode on our billing address does not have enough numbers - you have no idea how many helpful direct Tv and verizon interweb lasses have thrown in the towel because our postcode is too short for their key entry needs.

It seems they don't know how to deal with ALIENS.

I am still interwebbing from koffi - but the Tv is here - hooray!!!

I heart the Ralph Lauren orange!

This is the original tongue and groove hallway connecting the bedrooms, now a delightful Ralph Lauren orange thanks to Grant and his lightning roller technique. The feature wall in the pics below belongs to the controversial extension which would have originally been a breezeway. We are making this our dining room, and Brendon has ordered us a glamorous tulip table and tulip chairs for endless glamour. We also have an artichoke shade to go in there - hang on .... isn't our holiday house ten times better than our actual house !???

Gone!!!!!!!!!!!

Going.......

Going........

Please don't shoot my bad side ....

Here is the rest of the pool - also requiring some major cosmetic enhancement.

We do have a new fence over there - thankyou neighbours we havent met yet (Lurlene Lumpkin lives on the other side) You can see over the fence they have the original mini fruit grove on their side of the fence - I am planning to plant one along there too mirroring theirs - traditionally they have a lemon tree, orange tree, grapefruit tree, and olive tree. Most house have them - of course - we do not. We have a SHED (in the shape of a BARN) which mercifully you cannot see in this pic.

Looking over to our poo brown house - that's our bedroom on the left at the far end - ergo excellent pool boy perving.

Yes, its a SLIDE!

Here is a picture of our glamorous pool (and more importantly, SLIDE) amongst the pile of rubble known as the back yard - and what is that giant grecian portico blocking our priceless mountain view!? Please bring in the wrecking ball IMMEDIATELY!

It is the ROLLS ROYCE of slides,by the way, as it is a slide / slash / WATER FEATURE - water pours down the slide!! I'm sure there is nothing worse than slide rash - or slide induced wedgedom and I believe the water slide is designed to be not only visually STUNNING, but also to help prevent these very real pool users issues.

Tom sprinkled some grass seeds on the pile of dirt around the pool about a week ago and we can already see little green dots shooting through - exciting! - and we are very popular with the neighbourhood sparrows - its a delicious all you can eat seed buffet!

We DO have a POOL BOY - he comes VERY EARLY so I have not learned his name yet, but I have perved on him from the comfort of the boudoir - he is very tanned, young, and wears small shorts - hello!???

Grant likes scooping the leaves from the pool with his giant scooper. I like watching him do it.

Grant met the neighbours!

Best day ever! First of all - Tom got the deadlocked doors open - its FABULOUS!

Second of all ... Grant met the neighbours - oh happy days.

The chief of police lives next door!!! He wasn't home, but Grant met his lovely wife and their four giant dogs (delightful)

Next door to them live Steve and Loretta - new best friends. Steve was a page at ABC, and Loretta, a makeup artist - she favours matador pants and big jackie O glasses - I LOVE her.

They have lots of advice about having an investment property in Palm Springs as they also have one - their former tennant was BUDDY HACKETT. Confidentially, Buddy was a bad tenant - very messy, acually ... a pig.

Steve also has a friend we MUST meet as we would get on like a HOUSE ON FIRE, and by the way, we would get to meet CHEETAH from the Tarzan movies, as he owns him! what the ....

Next to Steve and Loretta lives the FIRE CHIEF, so obviously we are living in the vicinity of the Who's That of Palm Springs.

and PS - I CAN. NOT. WAIT. to have a drink with Cheetah!

Later in the day I was chopping down dead sticks formerly known as our front garden when fabulous JOAN drove past in her banana yellow VW convertible with her giant teased hair, and red cats eye glasses on a little string around her neck. Joan wanted to know ALL ABOUT us.

Joan is a local real estate agent, and had a client who wanted to buy our house but we got in first. She mentioned all the ways they tried to get it out from under us but failed. Thanks Joan! She mentioned MANY TIMES what a BARGAIN our house was and what IDIOTS her clients were ("they are from Montana - say no more")for not taking it the first time they saw it. They rejected it because they are PURISTS (reading into her tone - every time she says "PURISTS", she means "IDIOTS") I have to stay slightly quiet because I had mixed feelings about the extension on our house too and I would have preferred an all original one too -

but fiddle dee dee i think as Joan sails into the sunset after giving me her card in case I want to sell to her idiot clients, and mentioning one more time what a BARGAIN we have! Joan - FABULOUS!

The living room!

here is our beautiful living room with the prized original post and beam ceiling, and original fireplace! We have had the horrible mantelpiece removed, and the 80's wall lights above it are also a sad memory.

The walls are freshly white - hooray!!

We can't open those french doors because they are deadlocked and we don't have keys - boo :-((

We were going to change that side window to a door but after seeing the fabulous vintage window in there, its staying.

Horrible ceiling fans and lights must be replaced.

I don't think we can afford to get rid of those foul floor tiles this year - boo.

We are installing crazy paving on the wall with the fireplace - yay!

First job for tomorrow - GET THOSE DOORS OPEN!!!

SHOPPING!!

Oh yes, I could be purchasing bubbles for my wrist from Tiffanys with my hard earned holiday money, but no - toilet seats and pillows are SO much more fashionable!

Its kind of overwhelming having NOTHING, so I just got what I needed to have a sleep and then have breakfast!(and a pee!)

A few things were left in the house by the previous owners - the best two of those things were a TULIP TABLE(!!!) and a vintage croquet set (darling) - also a trunk of vintage christmas ornaments -fabulous. There is a LOT of furniture in the garage - all horrible - and a jumble of items in the kitchen cupboards that need to be removed with tongs. Windex ALL PURPOSE cleaner is my best friend as my cleaning needs have so many and varied purposes.

Tom has traded us an AMAZING new glass front door for the DENIM lounge suite that was here, so happy days.

You can catch a glimpse of the beautiful houses in our street - poor them - having to look at us - we definatey have THE WORST house in the best street - no wonder none of them have talked to us yet!

Yard Sales!

Yard Sale No# 1
They're selling their GOLF CART and Grant REALLY wants to buy it. he he he. I bought a fabulous 50's drink caddy and Grant bought this aeroplane light. The best part was the location - the last mid-century enclave to be built in Palm Springs - crazy paving stone clad brady bunch houses for days.

Yard Sale No# 2
What part of your old unwashed jeans collection and stinky pilled jumpers did you think should have been classified as "mid-century"??

Yard Sale No# 3
Tragically a dealer- and although I would simply delight in owning that ripped out 1950's magazine page in a nice matte, and impressive cellophane envelope for one million dollars, I feel I must regretfully decline

Yard Sale No# 4
If by "Yard Sale", you mean STRAIGHT TO TARGET for the one day sale, you would be ..... correct!

Night No# 1

Tom and Dennis have set up a bed! clock came in the hand luggage. cigar lamps were left in the house by the previous owners (thankyou). Woobie by miss jane. poo walls and vertical blinds do not have long to live.

Our home away from home

okey dokey, well, our flight to LA was magic - upgraded to business class, and so exhausted i just laid the special wanker pyjamas over the top of me, bonged the lady for two quick belts, and fiddled with the clicker for ten minutes before getting to flat bed status and then zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

We arrivd at LAX where Steve the limo man was waiting in the limo with JANE GUY written on the front of it to drive us to Palm Springs - pinch me!!! Steve is a big fan of Palm Springs, and FABULOUS in the chit chat department - he highly recomends a night out at RICKS or CHEEKYS - I'll say no more .. and in an almost disturbing incident is playing The Seekers Cds for us - what the ....but he drives us directly to Starbucks, and to the front door of our house in Palm Springs, so happy days.

Tom was waiting at the house for us (which is still tragically painted poo brown on the outside, and the garden is .. what's the word I'm looking for ... DEAD) He has painted most of the inside white though, so barely any poo in sight and it is clearly going to be FABULOUS (one day). He has even set up a bed for us so we don't even have to sleep on a pile of old newspapers.yippee!!

we head out to pick up our car, and a few essentials, and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Pipped at the First Post!

so I'm already thinking that between my sieve of a memory, and the lack of palm springs interweb access that has me starting this ten days after actually arriving that I will never ctach you up on all the rivetting paint swatch and fabric sample stories, but anyhoo...... here we goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!